I've never cried so hard in a long, long time.

People never understood why I always appear to be so tense yet I don't do anything to correct my mistakes. I never understood myself either. I thought everybody had given up on me despite their 'encouraging' words, I thought they said all those but secretly thought I was a failure.

I knew I was capable of much, much more. But I was afraid of putting in alot of effort without having any result. I know that would happen because I don't have any foundation in many of my subjects. I spent too much time telling myself I've wasted too much time and its far too late.

I tried picking myself up the last few weeks, but I never really did. I tried forcing myself to work, but it never came from my heart.

I spent the past 2 months blaming my emotions when I couldn't concentrate. When I knew it was no longer the problem, I reverted back to an aimless self. I secretly hoped my body would collapse one day in order for me to escape. Its true.




Never did I know my father understood my pain, I could feel it when he was talking to me. They were words from the heart, and not just a negative reflection of reality. He understood, understands me.